As we get closer and closer to the wedding. I start thinking about everyone who has gotten married. At the church where I used to go, EVERYONE would get married right after high school, to their high school sweetheart, and then about a year later they would be around 3 or 4 months pregnant and then they would pop out 3 or 4 kids over the next 4 or 5 years. I don't understand why you would want to do that. Especially if you don't have a college degree.
Isn't marriage about enjoying the company of your significant other. Once you have children you sorta get tied down and you aren't able to do things freely anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm not dissing children. But I just wonder why you would get married in December then 3 months later.. March.. find out your 3 months later. Shouldn't you be enjoying being a newlywed? Not to mention, the first year is when all the problems happen. I mean you are moving in with someone who you didn't live with, and learning all the flaws that stay hidden while you are dating. Why would you want to bring stress upon that and add a baby to that mix?
I know Kenneth and I don't want kids immediately. That isn't to say that if it happens we won't be thrilled, but we aren't going to try for them. We still have dreams that we want to get accomplished before we bring a child in. Not to mention I would like to be more stable. I want to see Europe, and I don't really want to do that with an infant.
I guess its all in how you are raised and brought up. But it just blows my mind sometimes. I know this is really rambling and I'm sorry. I hope you can sorta understand this.
4 comments:
A lot of people seem to think that the first year of marriage is hell on wheels and then everything thereafter is easy-- I'm not sure why. We never had any issues living together, and there were no surprises. I think that if there are any major 'surprises' then someone wasn't being honest to begin with.
As for kids-- eh, that's really up to the couple do decide. I have a friend to got pregnant (unintentionally so) three months after marriage, but she wouldn't change it for anything. Sure, kids will cause you to become a little more structured (no more midnight Sonic runs), but it's not the end of the world. I've said several times now that I have no clue why anyone would want to wait until their 30 to start their family when, at 23, pregnancy already takes a large toll on the body. But again, it's just up to each individual couple to decide, and who are we to judge?
And college degrees have become so unnecessary (unless you're going into medicine, law, or education). John doesn't have one, and he's the youngest person in his position at AT&T by at least five years.
But that's just my two cents :P
OH, and I also think that if a couple is unable to enjoy their marriage while being parents, then it wasn't a healthy marriage to start out with. Even with kids around, I think (and many would disagree) the marriage comes first, then the children. Without a solid marriage, then the entire family will eventually crumble.
Sorry, lol. This is something that I've thought a lot about and observed others, and it's interesting to see that how other's 'do' their family affects the entire family.
I agree with Anna about the part about the first year of marriage really not being that hard. People who said that probably didn't: 1) date very long and 2) did not know each other very well. Even some people who don't very long have a good first year of marriage because they were very honest and got to know each other very well. I think if you're a good match for someone, learning to live with them is no problem.
Garrett and I want to wait a few years for kids, and I feel a lot like you about all the things I want to do beforehand. There have been times though where I wondered, well would I do if I got pregnant sooner than I expected? Honestly, I'd be a little freaked at first, feeling young and unprepared, but I know that it would turn out to be a blessing and that God would help us through it.
I also don't understand people that seem to want to grow up too quickly though. I know Garrett and I could have gotten married out of high school and been fine,, but I do think it was better for us to wait. We grew a lot in college, both because of going to school and just from going up. And we also learned more about each other and grew closer.
Just happened to read an acquaintance's blog entry and thought you might be interested (it relates to this topic):
http://whitneysewell.tumblr.com/post/471748160/what-if-hmm-how-do-i-say-this
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