I don't know where to begin. This post is going to be very rambled, so I apologize. I dread moving back to the 'Boro, plan and simple. I don't have friends there anymore. My life is here in Johnson City. I love my freedom, being out on my own, and everything that is associated with it. I love making mistakes and having to learn from them. I love my friends here!! I love not having to worry about what time I come in. I have gotten used to it over the past 2 and half years.. wow.. can't believe I've been here that long. And its all ending.. in four days.
I am moving back home, so I can be with my boyfriend. A guy that has taught me patience, and that waiting is a good thing. A guy that has shown me not all guys are jerks! A guy that has loved me unconditionally no matter what I mess up on. A guy that has shown me that long distance can work. I put up a big fight on this one :) And I'm going back to a city that I loved once, but now can't wait to escape from. I'm not the same person I was when I left. I'm not 20 anymore.
I know I made stupid mistakes. I know dating Jake was one of the stupidest things I have ever done. It cost me everything! My career I wanted and my friends. Graham and I were never the same after that. But everyone sees that. They don't see what I see. Me dating Jake was one of the best things I could have ever done. It showed me that life out there is amazing. There is more to life that just studying 24/7. I met the man of my dreams, all because I swore off guys and said I wasn't dating until he was perfect. And the moment I opened up to Kenneth about Graham and Jake, I knew it was over. That is something I will never forget. I found a major that I love. It also allowed Graham and I to separate. We were so close.. and there is no doubt in my mind we were heading towards marriage. But I started changing that summer. And Graham and I's marriage would have ended in divorce. I'm so glad it didn't happen. That's the only reason I'm glad for dating Jake.
I have been crying every night for the past 3 nights. I don't know if that's because I miss Kenneth, if I'm scared about loosing everything that I love here, or what its about. But plan and simple.. I am scared to death. And if it wasn't for Kenneth, I would still be in JC, where all my friends are. I'm going to miss them so much. :'(
But its time for a new chapter. A chapter that starts very soon. I don't know what is going to happen in this chapter, but I hope I'm making the right decision.
Hope you had a good fourth.
1 comment:
WEll the good thing about it is that chapter of your life is coming to a close and you can move on. The next best thing is that it is ony what 2-3 hour drive so anytime you like to see your friends it would not take a huge drive to go see them; course it not like saying let's me at "Joe's or Panera Bread" if there is one there. My best friend move a month ago tomorrow and she is 380 miles more or less driving distance. :< Perhaps she should have not been my best friend.
Yeah we all must move on, and find new friends. Add a new Chapter in our life not forgeting the old.
But challenge ourself to find something that is better than the old. It is very hard to do. I am almost 58 years old and you are 22 years old, old enough to be your grandmother. Ha . I fully know what my grandmother at the age of 95 mean when she said she feel like a 26 year old inside the body of a 90 year old person.
There is a lot of emptiness left inside of me since Anna left and that is probably the biggest reason I did not want her to marry, I don't consider that selfish, she and others would:
there needs to be time for adjustment. There should never be a rush in relationships and marriage. OUr relationship with the Lord is always first and we need to understand that relationship. With the Lord being first and our "soul mate" second.Sometimes is not easy because of the emptiness but that are humans creating the emptiness and we must focus on the Lord for a fullness that will last,Sometimes things done seem to be in vain and that is what the book of Ecclesiastes talks about.
I bore my heart , sometimes you just have too!
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