I've realized that I'm an outsider. Here is not home anymore. Sure I've got a set of friends here, but my real friends are back in JC. I spend most of my time in JC. 8 months outta the year to be exact. Its pretty crazy how you go from having a rotten year, thinking about transferring back, and wanting to spend every waking minute back here. To having an amazing semester, knowing what you are doing with the rest of your life, and actually having a purpose. I've had to realize alot this past semester. Most people don't even know the half of it, because it's not something that I talk freely about. And I don't think that I even began to realize how much I had to grow up in the process. Life isn't high school anymore. There is a big world out there, and people here are just so stuck in the high school days, and no one realizes whats waiting for them.
I know people are mad at me for not transferring back. But you have to understand that I had been praying about it. And majorly considering it. Sure I could get out way faster, and majorly cut back on tuition. But its not where I'm being steered. I wanted my own place. I'm 22 years old, and never lived away from home til I moved to JC. This forced me out of my comfort zone, into a world that I never knew existed, and also made for a very trying year. My mind set had always been I will move back to M'boro as soon as I get my nursing degree. And I'm thinking that transferring back to MTSU was my easy way out. I was devastated over what I had let happen with Jeff, and I didn't want to face him. But something changed this semester, and its something that none of you will ever know or even begin to understand. Cuz it just seems like I am just now learning.
What happened between Jeff and I, and also even Jake and I to an extent as also made me look at guys in a whole new light. I've learned that I have to be more pickier with guys. Therefore I think I'm going to try this whole friend thing with guys. Don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about taking a year off dating. Cuz I think that entire thing is a piece of horse crap. But I'm just talking about not rushing into dating. Also I've never been the one to date really. I've had 2 serious boyfriends, and probably 3 guys including them that you could even call my boyfriend. But it just seems that I always stop and think about dating before I even think about building a friendship. I've got 3 amazing guys that I'm working on building this amazing friendship with right now. All them have amazing qualities, and thats the best I can hope for. An amazing friendship that blossoms into something amazing.
I had an amazing day today. And I am so looking forward to the next 2 weeks and what they hold. Life really is an amazing journey. Hang on, never look back, and enjoy the ride, because you never know when God will throw you an amazing curve :)
2 comments:
Nice post.
People will not always understand you or your intentions. People will not always understand even where God is taking you. And, well, it's o.k. They don't always have to.
I know people that still don't understand why I got married so young. It can be frustrating, but I know that God brought me here, and if that's not a good enough 'reason', then I've said all I can say and their misunderstanding isn't anything of mine to worry about.
We still need to grab dinner again. When are you free? Or are you?
I agree with Anna that people will not always understand your intentions.
And I'm not mad at you. I was disappointed at first, but if you know you did the right thing, that's good enough for me. I'm happy that you're enjoying what you do now.
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